Runner’s High

We went up hill, down dale, round the Park Run and generally got incredibly muddy (so muddy that I’ve washed my trail shoes. I’d forgotten that they’ve got nice purple and silver trim). It was what was needed after a week which inadvertently became extremely emotionally complicated.

So emotionally complicated that I walked away from a very long friendship.  I’ve tried to be supportive. I’ve tried to help when I’m asked. But, more and more, over the last three or four years, I’ve found that I’m biting my tongue. Holding onto my patience. Spending a lot of emotion with little return (not no return, no. I won’t say that. That would be unfair). Giving the same advice over and over. Feeling like a stuck record. Never seeing any improvement, and hearing all the excuses in the book as to why this, or that, or the other can’t happen to improve matters. Ultimately, I cracked yesterday.  This friendship has been, from my perspective, falling to pieces for quite some time: I didn’t say at the time when she insulted my lovely N with a sideswipe about divorcés being secondhand goods, but I’ve never really forgiven her for that, and I resented the insinuations. It has become time to walk away before either there is an extremely undignified screaming row, or I find myself needing professional help. And for that I am sorry.  There are many things that I shall miss. But it’s over, and there will be no going back.

Onto more positive things. I’m capricious. I don’t tend to brood (as Dad gets older, he seems to get more argumentative. Mum hates this, and is hurt for days. I instead retort back to Dad with vigour, and Dad and I are happy as Larry with each other within 10 minutes. I do not know why Larry is happy, but anyhow). Mum’s having her birthday dinner tonight (I hope I’m still awake – I have no idea how long this high will go on). There is stuff to do.

  • wrap presents, write card
  • Brownies accounts, planning for next week, order more promise certificates
  • Plot a secret parcel for The MidWinter Swop (I have yarn, a pattern, a book and a hot drink) Buy box to pack it into.
  • Finish L’s mitts
  • Email F about making a beautiful hair device for Eff to match my wedding dress
  • Fret about the mock up of the wedding invitation (Nick down the road from my parents has been put onto it, they didn’t like my word document which was supposed to be very rough anyhow, and this means delay)
  • Collect new shoes (I found them in Kensington M&S while I was on a loo hunt – I meandered home after doing Guidey things. This was expensive meandering, as I also bought a signed copy of the last Cazalet book. There won’t be any more of those, so I wasn’t going to leave it).
  • Tidy the sitting room more like tidy the whole flat. I keep getting so far and then un-tidying it. Fortunately, N is being all quiet and reading peacefully on the sofa rather than adding to any clutter.
  • Change the sheets (why yes, this was on the list last week, and, yes, I am a domestic slut).
  • Laundry
  • Supermarket Shop
  • Other stuff what I have forgotten again.


6 thoughts on “Runner’s High

  1. Ooh, love your new shoes! (They remind me that I must see if my brogues can be re-soled; I have actually worn them through).

    It seems as though your natural capriciousness has been itching to get out while you have been entirely Too Polite, and that things will be a lot better now you’re not carrying this around with you. *hugs*

  2. Ah, yes, the one sided friendship. It gets very tiresome and you made the right decision. I had one of those friends for more years than you’ve been alive and then when I finally decided it was OVER I felt such a sense of relief to realize I never have to listen to the broken record of complaints ever again. They don’t want advice or assistance, they want an audience.

    • I woke up in the middle of the night having a slight panic about it all: but I think I have made the right call. You only end up hurting yourself trying to fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed.

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