I can’t say that it was an improvement on Thursday. Both days have had their challenges. Wednesday was a bit of a blur (but the washing machine got fixed) and Tuesday we sowed cress seeds at Scouts and Guides.
These are from the packet which went out of date in 2012. They have sprouted in the interim, but I need to actually photograph them on the windowsill. A job for tomorrow (along with removing and burning the sawfly caterpillars which are merrily chomping their way through the roses. They may be cute but we will run out of leaves if I don’t do something drastic. Don’t want to use pesticides, so heat it is).
Thursday was go to all the appointments day. The fertility chap actually deigned to see us, rather than delegating to a registrar. We got sent for more blood tests and got the referral for our nearest IVF clinic. I am enjoying a short break from bastard Clomid before the next round of hormonal upset. I had not realised quite how un-myself it had made me feel generally. It is now working out of my system and I am hoping for a return in confidence and to be less grumpy. We were waiting around, in total, for 2 hours and had about 10 minutes of face to face clinician time, including the vampires. I just made it to therapy on time. This was actually a useful session as we (finally) managed to stick to a non-ambitious agenda and actually got to the end of it. I have breathing exercises.
Yes breathing for anxiety. I also have the explanation of why we need to breathe, and control it, when anxious. We have three brains. Dumb dumb brain is instinct, dumb-smart brain is emotion and basic tools, and smart-smart brain is logic and problem solving. In a panic attack, dumb dumb brain takes over. Produces heaps of adrenaline and cortisol. We breathe fast and shallow, or hold our breath. This only makes dumb dumb brain more inclined to panic. If we can breathe out, then instinct will force us to breathe in. If we can breathe out fully, we will breathe in fully. If we get enough oxygen in, dumb-dumb brain’s grip should loosen, and smart smart brain can get a grip on the situation and sort things out. In the middle of all this, dumb-smart brain has been overwhelmed by dumb-dumb brain, and is wibbling and needs smart-smart brain to give it a good talking to. But it can’t liaten until we get dumb-dumb brain to calm down.
All quite exhausting to think about. So it is hardly any wonder that I nearly fell asleep during foot woo. However (TMI alert), I think it did something becauae I started mid-cycle spotting immediately after. She said that the aim in the first half of the cycle is to try and clear things out properly, and promote ovulation… them in the second half, to make a cosy home for the egg. Or words to that effect.
Today I merely locked myself out of my laptop. It took two hours of trial and error (new helpdesk person, they all have to start somewhere) before I was back in. Not the best morning. Day never quite got going after that.