I do not like today

The two words “viability scan” are horrible.

It took me fully two hours to get out of bed. I cried in the shower. I don’t “feel pregnant”. I am convinced there will be a gaping lacuna where there should be a Thing1. I am bracing for a really horribly messy period (26mm of endometrial lining plus anticoagulants. That cannot possibly end well). Since the muesli episodes, I haven’t really felt particularly sick, just a bit burpy. I’ve been tired and emotional: but then again I’ve had OHSS and a DVT. I had a nap at work yesterday afternoon, in a wellness room which seems to have been overtaken as a stock room for refreshments for the mini conference going on this week. I haven’t been particularly hungry, and I feel the cold weather. Hardly harbingers of anything other than doom.

4 more hours until the scan appointment. I bet they run late. I bet I’m not pregnant. Again.