Another month, another fail…

Another negative test. Sigh.

It’s all very frustrating. But. I have another two months worth of Clomid (that was unnecessarily complicated – the hospital was only allowed to give me one month’s worth initially, with two more to follow. They lost the entire prescription yesterday, which meant I drove there for no reason at all at lunchtime, and had to go back again in the evening. I ran in the evening, which was cold, dark, very A-roady and my phone got so chilly it turned itself off…)

Right now, though, I am not a pleasant person to be with, and I am having an epic sulk. While waiting for my period to actually rock up.



I found those 2lbs!

So that’s OK. I’m sure everyone (all 4 of you) was on the edge of their seats wondering where I’d put them. Other items found recently include my Boye interchangeable knitting needles set: a far superior set to the Denise interchangeables, being as the needles are aluminium, and pretty colours, and the cables are finer. An heirloom quality (well, the pattern was) baby bonnet and booties have had a 6 month sojourn in South Africa and been returned to sender. The recipient never received notice that the parcel was sitting in the Post Office with a fee to pay, and I’d entirely given up hope of ever seeing them again. Bonnet and booties are now far too big for baby. He’ll get a toddler sized sweater instead, and I think bonnet and booties may be given to my Ninja Goddaughter’s Little Brother for his Christening.

I’ve been finishing things up recently. A cardigan. The bunny (seen below). Socks with toes in them (pictures will follow). I’ve resurrected a Colinette yarns scarf kit, which is the loveliest, floatiest thing, and which I was last knitting on in Prague, in August. I’ve started socks for a colleague, and I’m plotting mittens for a friend. I managed to finish 2/3 of a Mollie Makes Front Cover Kit – but I’ve lost the final 1/3. Doubtless it will show up when I’ve moved the stuffing out of the sitting room. The tree is down, the decorations ready to go in the loft. We have no main lights upstairs, but someone is apparently going to turn up today to help with that. Alongside our lovely plumber, Gordon, who’s going to fix the broken valve which has been causing the upstairs heating to go on and then randomly stay on… It’s quite nice cleaning one’s teeth by candlelight, but I shall be fairly glad when it’s over.

And somehow, despite no longer being Division Commissioner, I’ve racked up about 8 hours of volunteering with Guiding since Sunday. With another two hours tonight. I’ve not quite got all my loose ends tidied up. And then I took on an exciting project of a County Activity Day, which everyone got really quite excited about at last night’s meeting! So I feel very much more positive. Bring on the GuideMin.


This running to heart rate malarkey

Now, I’m pretty sure, you’re supposed to get a whole load more technical about this than ‘I will run most of my runs at a moderate pace, aiming to keep below 160BPM’. However, I’m pretty sure that most of the time, the medics also advise you to maintain or lose weight, and that you should do more exercise. So I’m being weird. And I miss tempo running like you would not believe. I accidentally ran 10K at lunchtime with work (with C, who is a nice slow pace, so the heart rate wasn’t an issue) so I skipped parkrun this week and just went out for a 6 mile or 2 episodes of ‘Just a Minute’ pootle today. I run slower if I listen to spoken word…

I am now, generally speaking, anything between 1 min and 2 mins/mile slower than what I consider ‘normal’. Which means that runs take longer…and I’ve more time to look at what’s going on around me, and to pay attention to the plethora of dogs that I meet while I’m out. Alas, no huskies for me today – although N met one. I met a lovely Jack Russell and a fluffy Alsatian type dog instead. And a couple of Spaniels. And a Pug who fancied joining my run. And a small toddler who was very carefully walking the dog, but wasn’t responsible enough to have a dog, so just had a lead to carry….Naaaaw.

It was nearly noon when I took the above!

Last weekend, I did both Pednor 10, and the Box Hill Knacker Cracker. I’d recommend both. I’d not recommend doing both in the same weekend, to be honest, but it did give me the excuse to really try and take it easy on the Knacker Cracker. Not that you can really take it easy with those hills. Howsoever. I pootled. I beetled on the flat. I walked when my heart rate headed up to 180BPM, and I stayed below 170 as best I could the rest of the time. I’m glad I did it, and will do it again next year. However, it did nothing for my weight-gaining abilities, and I appear to have gained then lost about 2lbs this last week or so…MORE FOOD! MORE FOOD! Feed me cake, please? I was in TK Maxx slightly earlier today. I bought Baci, as well as knives for the Guide units.

And this weekend? Yesterday was spent failing to buy 1mm bare copper wire for the hospital unit, and de-Christmas decorating the house. Today was spent having a slow run, doing Brownies Accounts preparation (I must settle down to the gift aid at some point, but need last year’s accounts first), and cutting up some truly geriatric parsnips, potatoes (they’d sprouted) and sweet potatoes (display until 25th October, apparently) to make soup (boil up with chicken stock, garam masala and ras al hanout. Puree. Add a small pot of some sort of yoghurt – possibly the geriatric soya yoghurt that’s been kicking about since before Christmas if it’s not gone off. Decant. Have for lunch. Cheap, yummy, nutritious).  I’m going to finish the sewing and knitting which I didn’t do yesterday, as we randomly went out, and supper will be lemon mushroom pasta.

ETA: OK. The soya yoghurt had most definitely had it. But I found a pot of dairy starter from November, which was perfectly fine, so I used that. From which you may gather: if it’s not actually gone off, round here, it gets used regardless of use-by date. Here. Have a crocheted bunny to distract you from my erratic housekeeping. 



Merry New Whatnot

Still eating. Still feeling less anxious: still annoyed with myself for allowing my weight to fall (even if the running was going well – those few pounds make a difference to effort required when you’re on the verge of PB territory. Perhaps. Probably not as much as I imagine).

I had yesterday off – as an extra day’s leave. And I did stuff. Got the car cleaned (it looks so much better now it’s not all green-and-mildewy on the edges), took things to the dump, to the charity shop, to the letterbox. Collected a forgotten pair of boots from the shoe menders. Went to B&Q. Failed to get my nails manicured, owing to spending so long in queues for the dump, the bank, the car wash, B&Q… Achieved some Guidemin, managed to sew the buttons onto my Ninja Goddaughter’s Gruffalo Sweater (she was given a lovely Gruffalo Sweater for Christmas. The neck band was too small – so I found the yarn used in the Sue Ryder shop, unravelled the neck band and a shoulder seam, made a placket buttonholeband, and knitted on a new neckband), started the second fingerless mitt (well. It’s actually the fourth – between Mitts 1 & 2 I had HUGE gauge changes. Mitt 3’s size matched Mitt 2 – nice and loose, and now I’m doing Mitt 4 to match Mitt 1 – slightly tighter), watched Carry On Camping, sorted out thank you presents for people, tried to diagnose what is up with the upstairs heating, which seems to turn itself on in the middle of the day for no apparent reason and slept in. Were I not on reduced running, I’d have gone for a run too. I did manage to give myself a manicure, but I’d been hoping for something a tad more professional.

Tonight. More knitting on the train – I am going to finish @aminorjourney’s socks this week (they have individual toes, which takes a bit more effort to achieve, but the effect is worth it. I also have brilliant dpns for them, which is more than I had last time I tried knitting fingered gloves, and thus it is a lot easier. Having good tools definitely helps). I do want to finish off the unfinished projects. I had hoped to do that before the end of the year, but I didn’t quite make it. Didn’t help that I had no navy embroidery thread to sew the buttons onto my cardigan…

Tomorrow: running with the work running group (nicely laid back). The plan for 2017 is one mid-week run, and one or two runs at the weekend. All, hopefully, at <160 BPM.


I gained some weight

About 3lbs.

Weirdly, my mojo also appears to have returned, and, while I’m still worried about the state of the world, and the environment: I am not paralysed with gloom, my feet don’t feel like they’re numb and flying away from me so much, and I think I can actually cope.

Note to self. 8st 5lbs is low enough. And 8st 7lbs is frankly, fine. And more than that is possibly better still from the perspective of conceiving, so KEEP ON EATING AND DON’T BE SO DAMN STUPID AGAIN. Sheesh. I can feel this weight. But it’s OK. There is a reason for this weight (last checked, 8st 5lb….)

I’m now running to heart rate – I’m not aiming for speeds at present (the vicar may have achieved a 1:49:?? half marathon. I have other fish to fry). I’m aiming to stay in the moderate zone, and run about 15 miles a week in total. The idea being to put less strain on my system and, again, encourage the conceiving malarkey. Without going hatstand owing to lack of exercise.

Honestly. If they’re going to put me on pills for this, I’m going to give said pills the best chance they can have: because, IVF is, frankly, scary…

This evening, I’ve had a nice pootle round Boots and spent my Boots Points on a fancy schmancy reduced box of bath stuff from Champney’s, finally printed two letters for the IFA (a 5 minute job which has been put off for about 4 weeks), printed off a couple of knitting patterns, addressed envelopes which have been languishing round the sitting room for days, tidied various items, got stuff out ready for tomorrow’s race, finished the crocheted bunny rabbit, drained off the stock from the turkey carcass (and put said carcass in the bin ready for the bin men tomorrow) and I’m about to upload a couple of news stories for the county website before I sign off.

This is more like being me. I much prefer it. It may be a bit erratic, but this is good erratic.


To Do

  • Run 31 miles before the end of the year (7 miles planned tonight – I am going to do 3 parks. I am. I am. 10 miles on New Year’s Eve…so, only need to find another 17 miles in the next few days. Easy). I did three parks! 7.5 miles boom! Then I failed to adequately rehydrate, and got a running-hangover. As at 28th December: 7 miles to go. Did 5 miles for 3 days running, and another 5 last night: it turns out I needed to do closer to 37 miles, as I’d managed to double-log one run.
  • Locate spousal Christmas card kit, make, present to him….
  • Fertility Consultant Appointment (at which I confidently expect to be told that I am ovulating, so why did we have to wait around for a month yet more tests on this particular question?) Well, it turns out that, after 2.5 years, and well over a year of tracking with various gadgets and *not* getting more than a couple of ‘you have ovulated’ smiley faces…I’m probably not ovulating that effectively. Hello Clomid. Which made me feel utterly loopy for the first hour or so after taking it. So may need taking at bedtime. And it’s taken everyone *this* long to suggest this as a method? Why did no-one do that cheapy-cheap (it costs about £5) blood test to check my progesterone mid-cycle this time last year? 28th December: well, it seems I have few side effects from Clomid other than being slightly more prone to tears and snapping than normal. I am lucky, it seems…
  • Very early appointment for mental health referral, fortunately on telephone (they lost my opt-in form, so I got fast tracked slightly). Referral for CBT. Really looking forward to getting a grip on this.
  • Add chicken to next Ocado order, so we can do roast chicken and then I can make more stock, and then make more excellent soup (so, this whole being more vegetarian thing is going gently – organic meat, and organic chicken do sneak in to the trolley on occasion. Plus, there is no sense in attempting a vegetarian diet at my parents’. It just causes woe).
    Remembered we have a turkey crown. Going to make stock from that.
  • Remember upholstery kit to take back to parents Woot!
  • Finish the tax return
  • Sort out a date for another flat inspection (have they managed to clean the cupboards at all? Or are there still sticky patches? Does the back bedroom reek of teenage boy still, despite being inhabited by a grown up?)
  • Try to get back on track with #fmslimphotoaday Still trying.
  • Turn off the social media for at least 24 hours (OK, doesn’t quite gel with the photo-a-day challenge…) and play Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit Actually did quite well. I’m still in my favourite Twitter conversation, but ignored facebook for several days. Have decided to basically ignore FB except where I’m actively needing to do something Guiding Related.
  • Finish @aminorjourney’s socks. Start L’s socks. Finish my cardigan. Start something else (I have a hankering for a gossamer weight shawl that looks like a snowflake, if I can find the Kid Silk Haze) Cardigan blocking. Socks still in progress. Found shawl pattern. Almost finished crocheted bunny. Finished off embroidery.
  • Buy coffee machine to cope with 8am starts in London on on-call days. Proper coffee is going to be required. Indecisive on this one. Debating with N.
  • Update County Facebook Group (when not having that 24 hours off)
  • Establish supplies needed for next year’s zombie felties present for E.
  • Synchronise iPod. Find Otherkin MP3.
  • Keep updating this blog…


Oh, eBay.

I now have jeans which fit. More or less. Well. They fit better than the ones that I could remove without undoing earlier in the week.

This makes a rather huge difference. One pair skinny jeans, one pair straight leg (basically, all that was available in the same cut as my ‘usual’, now no-longer-made, pairs). One inch smaller round the waist than my ‘usual’ pairs, and a grand cost of £15 plus some postage. Baggy jeans which aren’t actually cut to be baggy are the most demoralising leg wear option. They look awful, and are most uncomfortable. It’s just all wrong. I favour a Levi’s Bold Curve jean, which tends not to gape at the waist: I’m really picky about my jeans, and although I’ve tried lots of other brands, they never stay in the wardrobe for long.

Thank you eBay.

I have also discovered the wondrousness of Disney Albums. And have been merrily leaping around dancing like a four year old tanked up on Percy Pigs. It’s been grand fun. And, I had today off work – and slept in until 9.30am, and stayed in bed until 10.30am. We’re going to Venice tomorrow, for a short break, which will be lovely. I think I’m going to enjoy it a bit more, because I’ll be better rested for it. I’ve been for a 5 mile run today (bit faster than marathon pace, but not much) and tomorrow is parkrun. I may try out my new running leggings (TKMaxx – I am so fed up with the two pairs I possess which have zippers and which rub holes in my ankle every time I wear them). I will wear one layer fewer than I did today. 12 degrees isn’t so warm – but is warm enough that I don’t need leggings, and sleeves, and a t-shirt. My calf is being a bit annoying, so I want to keep it warm..otherwise, I need to be careful about not overdoing the layers the way I did at Manchester.

Now, I intend to wrap up N’s stocking presents. While he’s out with his friend S. N wants some cycling shoes for Christmas, but that’s going to involve going to the shop and handing over my card when he’s chosen what he wants, and won’t involve any wrapping up. And that’s rather less fun on Christmas day. I’ve not completely completed the Christmas Shopping. One or two entirely impossible to-buy-fors are getting glass baubles from Venice as their presents.